I want to share a few lessons my father taught me while I was growing up. My father is a very good storyteller. He often talks in pictures. He is so very descriptive that he can talk for hours, and no one will get bored.

1. ISẸ́ KÌÍ PA NI, AYỌ̀ NÍÍ PÀ’YÀN

I was in primary school many years ago when I came home with my report card. I came second in the class, and I was over the moon. I still remember how those of us who took the first to third positions in our classes were called to the front.

There is a very popular song that they used to sing for us then:

‘Bàtà rẹ á dún ko ko kà (2ce)
Bí o bá kàwé rẹ
Bàtà rẹ á dún ko ko kà.

Translation: Your shoes will make joyful marching sounds if you face your studies and come out in flying colours.

After singing this song, our headmistress then, would ask all the students to point at us and say:

A kí yín
Ẹ kú isẹ́
È̩yin l’ọ̀gá

Translation: We salute you for a job well done and we acknowledge your mastery. 

It was such a great moment

I was called forward a few times until I took it for granted that one of the top three positions was reserved for me. I guess I became a bit more playful. I didn’t do my homework with dedication like I used to. I started taking things for granted. Success is easy to take for granted.

It is so easy to forget that there is always a price to pay for success but there is a harder price to pay to sustain that success. Never get too used to or familiar with success.

So I let it slip one year and my scores dropped. I came fifth in the class.

I wasn’t among the top three as usual. My teachers couldn’t believe it. The song that others sang for me the previous years, I had to sing to others that year. I shed tears. When I got home, for the very first time, I was ashamed to show my report card to my father.

Eventually when he saw it, he looked at me sternly and said, “Isẹ́ kìí pa ni, ayọ̀ níí pà’yàn.” 

Be better than the person you were yesterday. Be careful about the victories and the successes of yesterday. Success intoxicates. Beware of success. Strive to be better than you were.

Don’t rest on your oars. The largest room in the world is the room for improvement. I am not afraid of failure. If I fail, I will try again. But I’m more afraid of success because it is fleeting and can be deceptive.

The Yorubas have a way of saying it:

Pánsá ò fura, pánsá já!
Àjà ò fura, àjà jìn
Onílé tí ò bá fura
Olè ni ó kó o lọ̀.

Translation: The dry calabash was careless; hence it was plucked. The rafter was careless; hence it caved in. The household that is not careful will be cleaned out by thieves.

Be careful of success. Don’t sit down celebrating yesterday’s success or achievement. Yesterday is gone. Be better than you were yesterday.

Success is easy to achieve but harder to sustain. Never take it for granted. Share on X

2. OWÓ MÁ A TÁN, ỌMỌLÚÀBÍ LÓ MÁ A KÙ.

I attended a boarding school in Ondo State for my secondary school education. When I was in JSS 1, I found some money on the ground in some place. I picked it up and reported it to the housemaster on duty.

Later on, I was called out at the assembly for appreciation. The news subsequently filtered to my father about what I’d done. While I was home on holiday, he shared a story with me.

He is an engineer who specialises in repairs of heavy-duty road equipment like tractors, bulldozers and graders, and he also constructs roads.

In the 80s during the civilian rule, he was given a contract by the 2nd Mechanised Division in Ibadan for the repairs of one of their earth-moving equipment. He repaired it, but a short while after, there was a coup, and the military took over.

A young soldier who knew about the contract approached my father and proposed to him that he should sell the equipment so that both of them could share the proceeds. My father refused. He was threatened, but he refused to budge.

Knowing that the equipment could be stolen from his yard, my father moved it to a safe location. All the letters he wrote about the completion of the job were not responded to.

Sometime later, after Sanni Abacha became the General Officer Commanding of the 2nd Mechanised Division, he opened the books and discovered equipment was missing. It was traced to my father, and soldiers were sent to ferry him to the Division.

My father told them his story and showed copies of all the letters he wrote. He took them to where he kept the equipment, and he was subsequently given a letter of commendation by 2nd Mechanised Division for his integrity.

Owó má a tán, ọmọlúàbí ló má a kù. Money is a perishable commodity, but character stands forever.

Life is full of transactions. We are always trading something for another. For some, you trade your time for a salary. There is always an exchange going on every day in every life.

Different nations have different currencies. In Nigeria, it’s the naira. In the United States, it’s the dollar. However, money can fail in certain circumstances. You can’t take Nigerian naira and spend it in the United States. It is not legal tender in the United States.

Money has limitations. Money has barriers. But there is a common denominator that cuts across and goes beyond money. It can be carried from one border to another. It is legal tender across all countries. It opens doors where money fails. It cannot be put behind any barrier or subject to any limitation. It is called integrity.

Be honest in your dealings. Don’t cut corners in order to be successful. Don’t cheat your way to the top. Don’t envy others who make a fast buck or break the rules.

Don’t be in a haste to make money. Apẹ́ kó tó jẹun, kìí jẹ̀ bàjẹ́. Delay is not denial.

Don’t do ‘wire wire’. Don’t do ‘money order’. Don’t do ‘come and marry’. You can’t do ‘wire wire’ and end up as the richest man in Nigeria. There is no one who did ‘yahoo plus’ and ended up on the Forbes list. 

Sàn án là n rìn, ajé ní mú ni  pẹ kọrọ. You should always take the straight path; it’s the love of money that makes one cut corners.

Integrity is the only currency that never loses value. Money fades, but a good name lasts forever. Share on X

3. RÁNTÍ ỌMỌ ẸNI TÍ ÌWỌ N ṢE

Anytime anyone in my family was going to a new place, the advice was the same. My father gave me that advice when I got to secondary school and when I got my admission to the university

I am sure many people got the same advice too. My father always said, “Rántí ọmọ ẹni tí ìwọ n ṣe”. Remember the son of whom you are. There is a name you were given, but there is another name you inherited. The greatest legacy you can have is the legacy of a good name

Your father may leave treasures of gold for you, but all is vanity without the legacy of a good name.

Orúkọ rere ó sàn ju wúrà àti fàdákà lọ. A good name is more precious than gold and silver. In anything you do, always fight for your name. Don’t ever fight for money. Your name represents who you are. Your title describes what you do, but your name represents who you are. Your name is better than your title.

That is why you should be careful about what you do. You represent not only yourself but also your family. You represent not only your family but also your generation. 

If we all strive for our names, there will be little corruption in our land. Pressure will come, but please stand your ground and remember to preserve your name. A good name is about consistency in character (ìwà).

Be a person of character. I want to read out a poem: TỌ́JÚ ÌWÀ RẸ.

Tọ́jú ìwà rẹ, ọ̀rẹ́ mi (Maintain your character, my friend.)
Ọlá a máa ṣí lọ nílé ẹni (Honour can leave a person’s house.)
Ẹwà a sì máa sí lára enìyàn (Beauty can leave a person’s body.)
Sùgbọ́n ìwà níbá ni dé sàárè (However, a person’s character will go with the person to the grave.)

Èéfín nì wà, Ẹsẹ̀ dára ó ku bàtàrírú níí rú (Character is like smoke; eventually it will rise to the surface.)
Ènìyàn gb’ọ́kèrè níyì (A person who is distant is honoured.)
Sùgbọ́n sún mọ́ ni, la fi n mọ̀ ṣe ẹni (But familiarity is what makes us know the real person.)
Ìwà kò ní f’oníwà sílẹ̀ (Character will stick to one like a cloth.)
Ìwà ọmọ ló n s’ọmọ l’órúkọ (A child is named by his character.)

Ọmọ́ dára ó ku ìwà (Beautiful but without character.)
Ará dára ó ku asọ (Fine but naked.)
Ẹsẹ̀ dára ó ku bàtà (Good feet but shoeless.)
Bénìyàn dára tí kò níwà (If a person is comely but without character.)
Ó pàdánù ohun ribi ribi (The person misses something very valuable.)

Ìwà rere l’ẹ̀sọ́ ènìyàn (Good character is a person’s beauty and a defense.)
Sùúrù baba ìwà, ìwà baba àwúre (Patience is the forbear of character; character is the precursor of blessings)

4. ÀṢEGBÉ KAN Ò SÍ, ÀṢE PAMỌ́ LÓ WÀ

I had a school mother in secondary school. She always looked after me and even gave me extra food. During a long vacation, she wrote me a letter and enclosed her picture. Those were the days when we had post office boxes.

Since I used my father’s post office box, he had access to my letter, and he actually opened the letter and read the contents. Later that night, he called me to his room and asked me who that particular person was. I was surprised he knew her name.

He hadn’t revealed then that there was any letter in his custody. He wanted to know our relationship. I told him she was my school mother and nothing else. He was curious about the enclosed picture. He allowed me to read the letter but he took it back from me

I only saw the picture that night and never again. Not believing what I told him, he said, “Àṣegbé kan ò sí, àṣe pamọ́ ló wà.” You cannot hide your sins forever. Choices have consequences.

God has given you free will. You choose whom you will marry. You choose the food you eat. You choose your friends. You make choices on a daily basis. The freedom to choose whatever we want is ours. Some decisions can greatly affect your life, so you must never make them carelessly.

Most choices look insignificant initially. However, the outcome can be life-changing. For example, your decision to take drugs and alcohol may seem like you’re just moving along with the Joneses and enjoying yourself but the consequences may be a life of addiction and regret

Your decision to have just a few minutes of sex can seem pleasurable for the moment, but you may have to live with an unwanted pregnancy or even HIV. Your past can haunt your present. A casual event that took place in the past can make you a casualty in the future.

Beware of that misstep, that wrong talk, that improper visit and that casual dalliance. A casual fling can fling away your destiny. It only takes a second to make a choice, but the consequences can be lifelong. 

Your life is a product of the choices you have made. Your choices will create the future you get. Make every choice with the future in mind. You cannot escape the consequences of your choices.

Life is a product of choices. A single casual act today can define your tomorrow. Share on X

5. BÍ A SẸ N KỌ́’SẸ́, LÀ N KỌ́ ÌYÁRA

My father can’t endure any sloppiness. He always wants anyone around him to have a sense of urgency about everything. So it was very common to hear him say, “Bí a sẹ n kọ́’sẹ́, là n kọ́ ìyára.” Develop a sense of urgency about life.

“Má wà á s’áyé bí ejò tí ò ní pa.” Don’t live your life like a snake that leaves no trace along its path.

6. ÌWỌ̀N EKU N’ÌWỌ̀N ÌTẸ́

Whenever my father wanted to discuss the subject of contentment, he would typically say, “Ìwọ̀n eku n’ìwọ̀n ìtẹ́.” It’s the size of the rat that determines the size of its nest.

This lesson came home to me when I was planning my wedding. I didn’t have a lot of money. I was prepared to just live within my means even when a lot of my friends felt I should hold on until I had enough money. My in-laws gave me a long list of things to buy. I knew I couldn’t afford all of them.

I thank God that He blessed me with a very understanding fiancée who is now my wife of 20 years. I went to borrow the leather suitcase from a friend. I stuffed it with my wife’s used clothes since I couldn’t afford all the new ones I was asked to buy.

And I wasn’t ready to borrow. I locked the suitcase with a padlock and put the key in my pocket. During the traditional wedding, they wanted to open the suitcase to see the clothes, but the key to the padlock was nowhere to be found.

Even though it was in my pocket, I joined them in looking for the key. The ceremony had to continue without opening the suitcase. I couldn’t afford to buy a goat, but I put a small amount of money in an envelope in lieu of the goat.

After the ceremony, I packed half of the yams I bought and took them home. I took back my bag of salt. My wife too must eat. The wedding ceremony is just an event, but marriage is for life. Cut your coat according to your cloth.

Live life by your own rules. Godliness with contentment is great gain. Don’t allow peer pressure to make you do what you ordinarily would not do. Exercise delayed gratification.

True wealth is living within your means with peace in your heart. Share on X

7. Ọ̀LA Ọ̀ YÁ BỌ̀RỌ̀ BỌ̀RỌ̀, BÍ A Ò BÁ RÍ ẸNI BÁ LÀ

I used to wonder how my father knew people in so many different places. He always had a contact somewhere. On my first day at the boarding school, he handed me over to a woman who became my guardian angel in that school.

When I was seeking admission, he took me to a man who would later give me a note for the Head of Department at the university from which I graduated. One day, he told me, “Ọ̀la ọ̀ yá bọ̀rọ̀ bọ̀rọ̀, bí a ò bá rí ẹni bá là.” It’s difficult to make progress in life if you don’t maximize your relationships.

Value everyone who comes your way. Treat them special. People don’t care what you know until they know that you care. People may forget what you say, but they will never forget how you made them feel.

You’re an average of the five people closest to you, according to research. Life is partly what we make it and partly what it is made of by the relationships in our lives. So, choose your relationships wisely. Your life is a reflection of the books you read and the people you meet.

He that walks with the wise shall be wise, but a companion of fools shall be destroyed, says the Holy Book.

God uses relationships to bless and enlarge people. Your teachers. Your friends. The people on your street. The people you meet in the church and mosque. That person sitting beside you right now. 

There is a theory called six degrees of separation. What it says is that everybody on this planet is separated by only six other people. 

In other words, you know someone who knows someone who knows someone who knows someone who knows someone who knows someone who knows the President of your country. 

You’re only six people away from anyone on earth. That’s how close we are, and that’s why every relationship must be maximized.

Take great care of your relationships. One wise connection can change the course of your destiny. Share on X

I have listened to my father all these years, and I have been blessed by his wisdom. Our people say, “Tí mobá fi ẹnu mi gé obì fún ẹ, o lè má jẹ ṣùgbọ́n tí mobá fí ẹnu mi sọ̀rọ̀ fún ẹ, ó máa dára kí o gbọ́.”

If I use my teeth to break a kola nut for you, you can refuse it. But if I offer you the wisdom of my words, you had better embrace it. 

Ohun tí àgbà rí l’órí ìjókòó, tí ọmọdé bá gun orí igi, kò le ríi. Ọ̀rọ̀ àgbà, bí kò ṣe ní òwúrọ̀, b’ópẹ́ títí, á sẹ l’ọ́jọ alẹ́.

Even if a child climbs a tree, he can never see what the elder sees while seated. The words of an elder may not seem to mean much initially, but they will prove true eventually.